Sonntag, 24. Juli 2011

21/Nov/2009: First Exit (Brutal Spine-Waves, Kundalini?)

Mid-November, two months on, what had happened in the meantime? Well, not much. But I read a book. 

Only a week after the surgery, I browsed Amazon and probably by some (divine? / higher self?) intuition instead of searching for books on NDE, which would only have been understandable and which I also did at later points in time, I typed 'out-of-body' into the search field. (Btw, Astral Projection was not a term I knew a lot about then, I heard it but did not even relate it to OBE, but rather to sth like dreams, a kind of clairvoyance or even meditation (all of which is not even entirely wrong, of course).)
Almost naturally, Buhlman's book "Adventures Beyond The Body" (in German it is even "Out Of Body") came first. I bought it and read it. I was absolutely astounded how "simple" it seemed to be and that you could really "walk" through your living room as a non-physical being, and all that not just when you were "near death".

I did the induction exercises (combined visualisation/tactile practice and affirmation). Only after a few days of finishing the book and starting the practice, very early I had those talked about "energy sensations" during the night: I heard strange sounds, remember a lifted stiff arm (I think Buhlman also mentions it in a list of possible 'events') and had inner 'energetic' jumps and movements - all while in bed sleeping or in hypnagogia or when waking up from it. I knew now I was in for more.

This lucadventure might be categorised as a very classic RTZ-OBE. However, and that makes it interesting, it is 'framed' by a lucid dream conversion and a postlude False Awakening (semi-lucid) dream. So we have 3 'classics' in one pack. (After an NDE-type experience 2 months prior to this, I now already had received a huge bag of non-physical experience ... not so bad for a first-timer, huh?)

1) Dream Conversion

I dream that I am flying a familiar street of my old hometown uphill, approx. 3 metres above the ground, which leads to the street of my parent's home. In physical life, I have went and cycled (as child and schoolboy) and later driven it up with my car countless times.
However, suddenly one thing really strikes me then. Not the fact that I am flying. It is rather the fact of HOW I am flying. I am making swimming movements (breaststroke). I notice that this is so utterly stupid and funny alike. Why am I SWIMMING through the air instead of 'normally' flying? At this very instant, this observation literally TRIGGERS my exit sensations, and something starts that I will never in my life forget.

2) Out-Of-Body exit / RTZ-projection

The view changes drastically. I am lucid. And I see the ceiling of my bedroom. Strange thing is that the room appears to be with the light on. I see everything clearly. I am lying on the back (unusual for me) and I also see one arm lifted (again!). It is stiff, I cannot move it, it is fixed up in the air. I also don't really feel it, it is like an alien part or an artificial limb attached to my (otherwise also paralysed but still 'felt') body. But I also don't want to change anything about it.. I want out and I know it has started now. "It" is, besides my new view, the 'energy sensations' I feel.

However they are NOT the famous 'vibrations' at all. I did not know these vibrations then. Only later I did. Today, I know them well, of course, and I can say that this was VERY VERY different! Those WERE NO VIBRATIONS at all!

Sorry if this bores you now a bit, but I need to try to give a description as detailed as possibly, becausee I have a suspicion now of what it could have been, which I could not have known either then or during the following days and events, due to a lack of knowledge about these matters. I will enlarge upon my question later in the Comments section, but now first my attempt to render a detailed description of what I felt and then mistook as 'common vibrations' (what a joke from today's POV). I have, so far for me, not read ANY account on exit sensations here or elsewhere that has stated anything similar to this, which makes my inquiry even more urgent now as it was then:

As said, those 'energy sensations' were nothing like vibrations. Those were BALL-LIKE WAVES along the SPINE. Heavy, violent and almost disruptive as it seemed. Not from head to toe but only through my torso (neck to lower intestines / genital area). I cannot conclusively remember anymore if they went up-down (from neck area on downwards) or vice versa. It could have gone either way or even with a changing of directions.
I did NOT feel any pain. Just movement. Possibly I heard roaring, crackling, sizzling, rustling sounds which more or less correlated with the intensity of the wave-balls' movements. One wave going through my body lasted possibly 1 - 1.5 seconds. The 'low-tide' intervals probably 1 to 2 seconds on average. Sometimes the intensities varied. I tried to give it a graphic expression here, you see it is not absolutely regular, intervals for the pauses (-) as well as for down- or upward moving wave 'blobs' (O, o, 0) vary:

--O--O---o----O---0--o---O--O--o--> (time direction)

There are two words I would like to use to describe the whole movement: Orgasmic/Ejaculative and Peristaltic. But all that without the respective body feelings (unfortunately in the first case ;-) ).
So it was as if my torso would have been a great GIANT PENIS at the very moment of ejaculation or a part of the digestive system while it's transporting and processing its content in peristaltic muscle movements.
Another good way to compare it to would be strong electric jolts, but again and - in this case fortunately - without any feelings, just the "movement".

Again just to give an impression on what is meant by 'peristaltic' (mostly used in connection with pumps or the human digestive system), consider it like this, but only much much faster (1 wave-interval per 1-2 second or so):

This video shows it even better (still, again: much too slow, though):

So I hope you get the idea of what I went through - or better: what went through me - then. 

And I was and still am sure it was 'not physical' at all. (How could it be ??! This is not the nervous system. I also should have felt pain then, I should have been bursting into parts! Any scoffers should explain it to me or better try experience this for themselves, and then they will admit: "this stuff is f***** real!")

What is even more strange, and it makes me marvel about myself (and I am not a warrior-type of guy!): I stayed completely calm. I let it happen. Maybe there was a kind of attitude involved telling me sth like "hey, you begged for it, so here we go, now don't complain and grit your teeth and get to it!". Maybe it was still due to my hypnagogic / trance-like state. But why did I not get out of it?
And that is not the entire story. I also endured it (knowing that it would ease off soon) because it was somehow FAMILIAR. It is a "I've-been-there-before"-feeling. But why and how? Discussion see below.

After it waned (or even when it was gone completely, not sure anymore) I started to lift. Possibly the subconscious reason for my lifted arm then was that I wanted to use it as a kind of 'launch ramp' all the time. That's another hint to a strange familiarity .. as said, this was my first conscious and deliberate projection, I had not done this before.

So I went out and the first thing to note is: The room was dark again as I slowly soared to my room's ceiling. I looked ahead then for the short time I looked at the wall and ahead again, the ceiling (immersed in darkness now again) before me.

It should be noted, I also had a strange voice when talking to myself shortly (or "thinking aloud"), it was somehow vibrating, sounding high and modulated (not the human-like female voice, that's a different story again). I don't remember anymore what I said to myself then, possiby some "oh"s or "ah"s only. That, however, again, was not orgasmic either. ;-)

Now the next funny thing: I stopped at the ceiling. And I did not know what to do. Then the idea to just "turn around". Turning around of what? Of me. But what is me? I have no idea if I had a "body" then because I had not paid attention to it/myself. I was just a cloud or point of consciousness during the whole exit.

Then I just "turned around" (no, it seemed I did not have the purported 360 degrees vision, I really shifted somehow). Looking down where me in the bed should have been I first only saw darkness. Then I concentrated (thinking also about BUhlman's short commands such as 'clarity now' or 'vision now'). After a while I could see a figure lying there on the side (not on the back). After a while I also could make out the face clearly. It was me. I looked pale in the darkness, almost a bit like a moon face.

But you know what striked me most about this, even today when I remember it (and which is possibly also responsible for the moon face appearance)? The kind of picture that really clings to my memory now that first comes to my mind when I remember this event, making this an almost iconic representation of this whole lucidventure:
The very weirdness of SEEING YOUR OWN FACE WITH CLOSED EYELIDS. I looked so 'strange' (in a double sense) that I even did not clearly recognise myself for a second because of this 'alienating' view. When do we see ourselves with closed eyelids? Logically, we don't in mirrors. On photo snapshots when we were blinded by flashlights or on surprise snapshots possibly. But "live" at the same instant? This picture sticks with me, probably for the rest of this life! I will never forget the picture of that guy that is me down there in the bed 'asleep' with closed eyelids. Even today, I count this experience among the top-ten of strange sensations and experiences of my adventures.

After I had 'identified' myself without the slightest doubt, which was otherwise not so difficult since all was 'realistic' and there were no dream imagery or reality fluctuations involved, I decided (wisely and as recommended for newbies) to cut it short and 'go back' immediately. I just went down, which was then much faster than going up.
However, before I re-integrated, another remarkable observation. First, for a split-second I saw my face 'close-up'. Secondly, I heard my breathing (exhale) - but different, as if still somehow from the outside.

3) False Awakening

I got up and went into the bathroom. I passed some time there, also looking at myself into the mirror. All looked normal. I reflected on the things passed now. I was happy at my success of 'astral projecting'. Then, only after quite a while, I thought to myself 'hey, why not go to my parent's bedroom now, and wake them and tell them what happened?'. Then I realised what a strange idea this was. (Possibly it was caused by the dream I had before about flying to my parent's home). Why did I say that? I was an adult now and I had not live with my parents in their home for many many years now. Then I realised that I was still dreaming and woke up.

Comments / Afterthoughts:

First of all, sorry, I will keep further posts on lucidventures much much shorter. I just felt the need to enlarge upon this, since it was my first 'projection', and due to all those circumstances and detailed memory. Therefore I restrict this section (although much more would be to say for me here) only to the issues of FAMILIARITY and KUNDALINI.

The issue of FAMILIARITY with those waves amazes me even today. Perhaps, in our super/sub-conscious memories and as reincarnating beings, we all "know" this already since it is similar to what happens when we die. Or perhaps I had/did this as a child in this life and just don't remember. Or I was a keen projector in a previous life. Or Perhaps I really only thought that THIS were the famous vibrations I read about (what a joke!). But today I know there were NO VIBRATIONS. Those were different. I had only one further experience like this a few days later. After the again-violent exit it failed due to exit blindness and fear issues.
Fear issues also kept me from going on then. I read more books on the topic. Monroe's first book actually increased my fears, it was so different from Buhlman's optimitic take on the issue. Then I read Bruce's Astraldynamics and while I did so, I sometimes had the feeling that I was falling out of my body in waking state! That was enough for me! I actually decided to have a break of a few months, not trying anything. I needed a rest (who should blame me after all that, I had my proper dosage, after all)? So I slammed the door shut again at the end of the year and I did not have any experiences (Sometimes I even affirmed "I stay inside my body" before sleeping!).

Maybe someone more experienced in this matter can answer this. Recently I came to suspect that it might actually have been a KUNDALINI-like experience (note the added "-like", please!). Here, people also report on spine-related 'snake'-like heavy energy sensations. If you look at the video I linked, you see that 'peristalctic' movement is indeed pretty 'snaky' if seen from a specific angle. But they also tell of body cramps and even danger of life. I did not feel this way although the waves also had a 'crampy' aspect to them. Of course, since mainly the torso was affected, it is highly likely for me that the energy was using a 'channel' that leads up/down the physical spine through which the 'awakened' energy was streaming in brutal thrusts of different intensity.
I could so far not really bother to dig deeper into the topic of Kundalini. If someone can tell me it is NOT Kundalini-related, I am fine. I wasn't keen on any Kundalini-experience so far. And if it was Kundalini, well, so be it, but I am even less keen to live through this again for understandable reasons. Two times is enough and I am happy in the end that later (according to logfile starting Feb 2010) I discovered that 'vibrations' are something very very different from that!

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