Montag, 15. August 2011

10/Nov/2010: The Library (School Of Homeopathy)

This one is so far another highlight for me and one of my most clear, impressive and also longest lucadventures. Kurt Leland, author of many books on astral projection and spiritual development, told me it was a "big achievement":

I couldn't ever bother to disagree. ;-)

This 'achievement' also had some consequences for my private (physical) life. In its aftermath it helped to direct me again towards a (not-so-new!) goal and re-inforced the decision to pursue it (again), a goal I had already considered about 1.5 years ago but dumped at the time. A little more on this below.
As you see by the link above, I had already told parts of this amazing lucidventure in that thread with Kurt Leland, but it never was the 'whole story' with all the facts. I'd left out some parts, maybe because I wanted to interpret it in certain ways (and was a little biased at the time), but perhaps also for mere convenience to have to write a little less. Anyway, here is the "whole story" now:

I start in an almost completely lucid state from my "portal" which has come to be my childhood bedroom. I fly out of the window, which is indeed the 'gate' to the astral. I am flying high over an unknown city. A big one, so it cannot be the small town of my childhood any longer. I notice this. I think to myself, that despite the fact that it looks real I want to do sth else and finally get the idea to 'leave this plane for a higher one'. I do not program any specific target, just 'take me to a higher plane'. So I ask for assistance and start to rise, faster and faster.

First I only see fog. A kind of foggy tunnel with different shades of white and grey.

Then (!) I land in a huge "hall" in a kind of lobby or reception area as it seems. From there on there is no flying anymore, everything becomes physically Earth-like again. And VERY realistic to me. The architecture of this huge dome-like place was intricate and impressive.

My journal entry says that I hurried to get there since I was always aware of the fact that I "am projecting" and might - as usual for me - not have a lot of time before I get hurled back into waking physical reality. This is the first sign for me that I was indeed highly lucid then and I knew about the urgency to explore all of this (fast) since this place was highly unusual and I knew that possibly I would not get another chance to come here again so soon (proved right til today). Therefore ... it's grab all you can. ;-)

I walk up some steps to a group of people. There was a kind of 'enrolment procedure' taking place with freshers being welcomed and introduced by tutors, groups being formed. (I did not have to ask for everything, some things just came to me, I just suddenly knew!). It was like a kind of old and noble university or school.
The group which I join then, seems to be led by a girl (like me then, they all seemed to be in their mid-20ies, too!) named Irina or Irene. She seems to hold some papers or a notebook and explains things. I greet her by embracing her , there seems to be initial trust, I wouldn't usually embrace a stranger, neither in physical and even less in non-physical reality. Next to trust, this is also a kind of expression of my joy of 'knowing' that I finally made it to a very special place. I cannot exclude the idea that I even felt I knew this place and these people before (hence the trust), as if it was a sort of homecoming. But that is only a slight intuition. I cannot remember saying to s.o. of them "hello, it's me again" or "ah, it's you again, how are you?". It was just a little feeling of familiarity.

Anyway, I had to ask for their names. It is another sign of my enhanced lucidity and awareness that I asked these people twice or even three times each for their names. I repeated the names then to myself. I did this all as a memorisation technique, with the certitude that I need to 'download' this information into my waking memory. I NEEDED and WANTED desperately to remember their names!
They were all very patient with me and seemed to understand my needs and overall situation. At one point, I told them that I was "not dead" (*rolleyes*) and - perhaps even with a little pride - that "I am a projector". They smiled and seemed to acknowledge this with understanding, still, they weren't too surprised about this as it seemed.
So I kept repeating over and over that "unfortunately I don't have a lot of time before I'm forced to go back". My notes also tell me (quote): "I get nervous of fear that I cant hold it for so long and start moving from one foot to the other to prevent me from 'waking up' and vanishing". I do not remember my footstomping action (a typical human nervousness sympton, isn't it?) but as I recorded this immediately after my return and waking up, I take it as it is.

Three persons (those whose names I asked several times) were Irene (the 'tutor'), Rafaela (a beauty with even a little lascivious air) and Michael. We talk something more and laugh a lot and have friendly chats, but I do not remember the content of it all. Except for the names (which I focussed on) a lot has been lost.

Then I walk away further, as we then agreed, with Michael who will explain some things to me and show me around. We walk through some rooms of a nearby library. Some smaller rooms also, like reading and study groups rooms. I see other students there. The library looks almost old-fashioned. I see shelves full of books, also in piles on some tables. I ask his name again (he says 'Michael' again, without being irritated by my obstination with this) when we turn around another corner.

I already seem to know that this is sth like the faculty of Alternative Medicine or even more specifically department for Homeopathy. So we finally find a little seminar room (or even office) with a lot of books there again. We take a seat at a table in comfy armchairs. The scene is again quite "mundane". Michael starts to tell me about this place (I forgot what it was) and then begins a talk about 'the history of Homeopathy'. Before that I had already apologised to him in anticipation and told him that I feel that I might not be able to "hold the line" here any longer and will be taken back to my reality. He is (as all of them are) very sympathetic and says it's okay. I also say thanks for everything and start to listen then.

He starts with the overview and I am surprised that he does not start with S. Hahnemann (the 'inventor' of Homeopathy in the 18/19th cent.) but traces the origins of this type of medicine to sth different, I even think he places it into ancient times, but I don't remember exactly what he tells me. I only get the first sentences of the 'lecture'. Then the seemingly unavoidable happens, I start to 'wane'. I see him smile at me, then the picture vanishes.

I am back in my "portal". But I really 'slammed' back, something I'd never experienced before. (As if I had more 'impact' force falling down from the height of this 'higher plane'). I'm clinging to the wall (almost like a spider) and of my childhood bedroom, still shaking up-down a while, as if I had to 'absorb shock' the 'landing' from that place 'on high'. It is dark in the room. Then I wake up in physical reality with my usual PREES (post reentry electricity sensations).

Comments / Afterthoughts:

This heavy repercussions led me to conclude that the 'planes' are real although the physical descriptions of 'up and down' do not really apply, but I believe that metaphorically they do. It is a consensus environment as mankind created it. So there are indeed 'higher' and 'lower' planes, the latter of which are not as easy to reach as the lower (astral) planes. My energy (mental?) body was then not yet 'apt' or developed enough for this kind of trip, that is why I had this 'hard landing' then.

Many comments regarding my state of lucidity are already given in the text above. I still wrestle a bit with the fact that I only asked for their names and not for so much more information that could have been retrieved from there. Don't ask my why I did not ask and memorise other important points, such as what this place exactly is and what my relation to them and this place was. So many questions. But possibly I asked for it and we talked about this and the memory got lost for me.

Once I thought that this whole place might even have been my higher self (some say that you also have libraries like soul records / life books there!) and the guys I met my incarnations, but now I am more convinced that it was a usual educational area (which Kurt places on the Mental Plane) with 'other' people. Perhaps it even formed part of the overall (akashic) libary and education system, possibly in what's called Focus 27 by the Monroe Institute.

1.5 years before this, I indeed already had considered to start a training as an Alternative Health Practicioner (many of whom do Homeopathy as one of their treatments). So this might explain why my higher/super- or sub-conscious mind steered me to that place and not somewhere else.
It should also be mentioned that exactly around that time for some weeks (Nov 2010) I was visiting a healer for Reconnective Healing, I also was 'reconnected' (= aligned to axiatonal gridlines) then. I considered to become a Reconnective Healer myself and I will do so: this year there are some Level-1/2 Seminars in my country. Maybe that (together with my former intention) also influenced the 'visit' to this destination.

Furthermore, around that time in Nov., one night, after a longer talk with someone (guide/HS?) in dreamstate, my hands became energy-activated almost 'by command ("activate them")' from which I woke up with tingling/burning hand palms. Since then I feel energy (from slight tingling until stronger, although bearable and controlable burning sensations) now almost constantly in my hands, esp. the right one. My observations prove to me that the tingling gets stronger when I think or write about any spiritual matters, and even more so when I do energy work exercise or self-healing with them! It's really fascinating.

Now, if all goes according to plan, I will be a part-time (or more) Reconnective Healer / 'certified' Alternative Health Practioner in about 2 years from now.

Samstag, 13. August 2011

17/Oct/2010: Time Travel To 2194 (Or Alternative Reality)

This time no "exit" vibes but I get lucid in a dream (a method much rarer for me). I was in a city and then started running around asking the people what year it is because I somehow subconsciously know that it is not my time anymore. Don't ask me why, I just knew that this was the case and I wanted the confirmation and information about the exact date. I could not have known from the looks of the city. It looked pretty 'contemporary'. It was a typical middle-sized to small town.
It seems people did not take me seriously. Who would if s.o. did this in a normal city in physical life? At one point I joke with them and say it is a 1000-dollar-question and I am from a TV show.
One thing, however about this city is different. At the nightsky (it was dark) UFOs or light blobs were flying around, sometimes in strange movements making strange light patterns. No one - except for me - seems to be impressed by it.
Then I ran into a newspaper shop to grab some papers and look at the date there. First at the counter I apologize to the clerk and the people in the queue saying that I dont wanna push past them, I just want to take a look at some flyers. Then I change my mind and go to the newspaper stand. As always the case in nonphysical reality the letters and dates fluctuate. I cannot make out any specific number/date first. Then I see the number 2194. After this realisation I wake up with my usual PREE feelings.

Comments / Afterthoughts

I very often have dreams with ufos/lights flying at the nightsky and people not disturbed by it at all. I also have so-called 'alien invasion' dreams (of the War Of Worlds or Independence Day type) with UFOs flying at the sky and/or landing all over Earth and chasing the people. However these dreams are never fearful for me, it seems I rather create them myself for a kind of self-entertainment.

This one was different though. I cannot imaging that it was really the year 2194. As said, it all looked like a today's small town, except for the lights in the sky. The newspapers even looked older. Maybe it was an alternative reality?
However, the most likely explanation would be an Earth-like Astral realm where people from this time-frame live as they lived before. But how to explain all my fussing about the date? Calendar dates would make no sense on this plane then, after all. Where did my obvious 'knowledge' come from?

Freitag, 12. August 2011

21/Mar/2010: Aspect Retrieval (Or So)

Since I need to get through 2010 in a hurry, another interesting theme picked out of my journal: the gathering of an aspect of self - but with a big question mark.

Exit after usual vibrations, but this time without helping hands, I seemed then to just lift off again. I did the then usual card check trials (I did this a few times but they never really worked well due to too many fluctuations. I will spare you the torture of reading about those many attempts here.) in my flat and re-entered with ensuing PREE sensations.

Later I manage to do a second exit. This time I 'phase' into an unknown flat. It has a high ceiling, looks like a mansion. I see a man standing there what looks like his bedoom (sheets are tossed in unorderly fashion, bed is not made - looks like s.o. just got up - or like it is in a typical bachelor's flat). He is almost like a statue. He is in shorts/pants only, big white ones. He is very athletic, muscular and sportive, black hair. I just stands there in his bedroom and looks around (not even sure if he looks at me).

Then something happens that surprises me. But it happens with myself. I ask him who he is. But I give the answer to myself before the 'statue' can answer.

"Oh, it's myself. Ok, come with me."

Comments / Afterthoughts:

I've read a lot about the Shaman concept of retrieving soul-parts or parts/aspects of self, also in Bruce Moen's Afterlife Guide Book you find an extensive chapter on this. Monroe talks about retrieving whole incarantions back to the Total self.
I don't have a clue if this is related to this and what's to this concept anyway. So far, I associate "aspects" with the need to find/retrieve or reunite with certain character traits we suppress or even an entire stage of life that was forgotten or suppressed (complete amnesia due to traumatic memories might be an extreme case of this).

I do not understand what led me to these insights ("oh, it's myself"...) at that moment. I do not remember him taking with me or merging with him in any way. I just flew off into another flat at the opposite side of the street. The adventure did not last much longer then and I woke up with PREE, as usual.

When I think about this guy I saw and connect it to aspect (as character trait in this case), the term 'VANITY' comes to my mind at first. I am not very vain, and I am not a little bit more after this experience either. (I AM sportive, although not athletic or muscular, by the way!).
Maybe I am wrong and it was about sth else. But what? Past life? A mistake? A subconscious dream/thought projection of mine? I don't know. What strikes me is the absolute 100% certainty I had at this moment.

Consciousness is a strange thing.

Freitag, 5. August 2011

17/Mar/2010: The Helping Hands & Post-Reentry Electricity

In this lucidventure, we see two new striking elements, that remained a consistent 'theme' (with variations) of my experiences even until today: the "Helping Hands"and "Post-ReEntry Electricity" (PREE).
(a note in anticipation for the fussy ones among us about logic and linguistics: post- and re- is not a redundant doubling of two prefixes actually meaning the same thing, 'post-' here really means to decribe what happens after re-integration, not during it.)

According to my log, I again was on my back with both arms raised and a trembling (vibrations) much "lighter than during my very first success" (note how I felt the need to note this down again! ;-)).
Suddenly two hands grab the hands of my outstretched arms and "help me up and out". It seems, I also asked for it. I fly around in my room but I do not see anybody else, so the helper remains 'invisible' even in the astral for me.

The second one is a constant accompanyment of almost all my lucadventures. It happens after re-integration and after waking up. That means I am wide awake (and in no trance) when I experience it. It is an electric, chilly feeling around my entire body and it lasts for about 20 seconds to half a minute, sometimes even longer. It always pops up after a lucid experience confirming what I already know anyway: I did not have a 'normal dream'.

Comments / Afterthoughts:

This lucadventure is of course much longer than I wanted to describe here since I focused on the two themes.

As to the 'helping hands', I have three hypotheses as to its cause(r):
1. Myguide
2. Myself
3. Myhigherself

(4. after this was repeated on different lucidventures I by now can exclude the fourth hypothesis of any other astral projector or entity that "happens" to be present there and then.)

As regards 1): that can of course be any other 'facilitator' as well (and it turns out in later lucadventures, this might even be a likely case)
As regards 2): possibly my subconcious "I" 'creates' the hands to be used as an "exit tool", just as other projectors create ladders or ropes to get out.

I also asked about my 'PREE-phenomenon' in the Astraldynamics Forum of Robert Bruce, but as it turned out to my utter amazement that almost no one experiences it. Just like the hands and the peristaltic waves, it seems to be a real typical thing for me only.

Recently, I noted that it also appearas as a fading sign in the Astral. So it is more 'around' that point of re-entry (before and after). This has one advantage for me: When the fading sign (PREES) appears while out-of-body I can counteract it by focussing on my environment (more on how learnt to do that and also how to increase your memories of all your lucidventures in a later post).

There is an exciting development with the "helping hands" recently. To be reported soon.

Sonntag, 31. Juli 2011

10/Jan/2010: I Am "Ms Ladyvoice"

So this is indeed my lucidventure #4 (after the quasi-NDE and the two 'brutal' waves experiences), but below I will also give a short synopsis of #5 due to a thematic connection. Don't worry, I will make big jumps through 2010 with a few chosen 'thematic' lucidventures only, since my newest adventures are pretty exciting now and I want to get at them asap. However, I deem these 'first ones' worthy of this kind of raised attention because it makes sense (at least for me ;-) ) to retrace my initial development.

Interestingly, my diary notes on that day say that it was all "too early" for me for a new attempt. I wanted to resume projecting, but not yet. However, that morning I caught myself in hypnagogia and 'decided' due to a (literally!) 'whim' in that trance state to be an opportunist and use the situation to give it a try again.

Even more interesting is the fact that the log entry tells me that I did NOT HAVE ANY VIBRATIONS again during the whole exit attempt. So I still had no "normal" vibrations to that point and after. The entry just tells of a 'sinking feeling' and a slight whistling sound on the right ear. The stiff 'prothesis'-arm raised with my energy body rolled on the back also features again.

However, the most striking and (til today) unique event is this: My affirmation, which then was the same as used in 2009: "I am out-of-body now." suddenly 'switched' and it was said by a different voice. Not just the voice was changed though. The way of speaking, such as intonation, articulation, mood, emotive and 'personality' additions was completely changed, too. That means: It sounded like another person entirely.

And it was a WOMAN. And yet: it was ME SPEAKING this and not someone else. So don't be mistaken: it is NOT at all comparable to a kind of modulation of one's own voice (such as speaking through a sound system into a mike with effects on, or by inhaling helium). It was me speaking as another person. I also heard the voice from a bit farther off, but still clear and loud. Actually, when I think of it again, I believe it was 'everywhere' (in my head and outside around me) and I could not attribute it to any point in the (physical) room. The voice was beautiful, angelic, soft, tender, empathetic, and as it seemed it tried its best to to reassure and soothe me.

Now the funny thing: It might not have been a AFF-irmation at all but rather a CON-firmation !!!  :-)

That means (from today's view only, of course) that I already was out of my body, because I used the roll-out 'technique' - without knowing it. So the voice possibly just stated to me that I just could have gotten up and walked away, while I was still lying there, arms raised waiting for the exit to happen, on my back with my energy body, but thinking it was my physical body. That one, however was still lying 'unmoved' on the side!  Not knowing this, I broke off the attempt. Only to wake up and wonder why I was - again - lying on my side now.
It is of course possible that the stiff arm might have hindered the exit and it was indeed an 'almost'-exit except for that arm. It will remain a mystery since fortunately is a typical feature of my early lucidventures and did not return for a long time now.

Yes, that's hilarious, I now. Well, we live and learn, don't we? And we all need to be able to laugh about ourselves and this is really the point that makes me laugh even today. I took me, however, quite a while to get past this point and thus get further up on the learning curve.
Many of the following attempts exactly were of this kind, with the only difference that they included then the famous 'vibrations' of the 'normal' kind, which it seems I had the first time during lucadventure #5 (but around that time I had some other very similar attempts following this one):

(translated logfile entry):
proj.5: 15/Feb/2010
again hypnagogic phase (ca. 8 a.m.) Again right arm and attempt with affirmations. My energy body is on the back again, this time I even put the second arm in the air. Vibrations are there, but much weaker than during the first times. But no disengagement. Or was I disengaged already? i give up after ca. 2 minutes of trying.

Some progress (from #4 to #5) is shown by the fact that I talk about my energy (instead of physical) body on the back and the first slight suspicion that I might have been "disengaged" already. Still, it seems I always expected a kind of spectacular "lift-off" from the ground instead of just completing the 'roll-out' and getting up. It seems that this was much too 'mundane and ordinary' for me even to consider then.

Comments / Afterthoughts

Many comments are already given in the text above.

There, Rober Bruce confirmed my guess, that this was probably my Higher Self, applying the reassuring voice to help me:

"This would appear to be a manifestation of your higher self, the voice. Beyond this, there is not much I can tell you. This is a positive thing."

This explains perfectly why I "spoke it" and "did not speak it" at once. I knew then, I was not 'alone' in my efforts anymore which made me happy.

By the way, this voice never came back (as yet). But I'm patient. By the way, other voices did. But more to come on this in later posts.

Sonntag, 24. Juli 2011

21/Nov/2009: First Exit (Brutal Spine-Waves, Kundalini?)

Mid-November, two months on, what had happened in the meantime? Well, not much. But I read a book. 

Only a week after the surgery, I browsed Amazon and probably by some (divine? / higher self?) intuition instead of searching for books on NDE, which would only have been understandable and which I also did at later points in time, I typed 'out-of-body' into the search field. (Btw, Astral Projection was not a term I knew a lot about then, I heard it but did not even relate it to OBE, but rather to sth like dreams, a kind of clairvoyance or even meditation (all of which is not even entirely wrong, of course).)
Almost naturally, Buhlman's book "Adventures Beyond The Body" (in German it is even "Out Of Body") came first. I bought it and read it. I was absolutely astounded how "simple" it seemed to be and that you could really "walk" through your living room as a non-physical being, and all that not just when you were "near death".

I did the induction exercises (combined visualisation/tactile practice and affirmation). Only after a few days of finishing the book and starting the practice, very early I had those talked about "energy sensations" during the night: I heard strange sounds, remember a lifted stiff arm (I think Buhlman also mentions it in a list of possible 'events') and had inner 'energetic' jumps and movements - all while in bed sleeping or in hypnagogia or when waking up from it. I knew now I was in for more.

This lucadventure might be categorised as a very classic RTZ-OBE. However, and that makes it interesting, it is 'framed' by a lucid dream conversion and a postlude False Awakening (semi-lucid) dream. So we have 3 'classics' in one pack. (After an NDE-type experience 2 months prior to this, I now already had received a huge bag of non-physical experience ... not so bad for a first-timer, huh?)

1) Dream Conversion

I dream that I am flying a familiar street of my old hometown uphill, approx. 3 metres above the ground, which leads to the street of my parent's home. In physical life, I have went and cycled (as child and schoolboy) and later driven it up with my car countless times.
However, suddenly one thing really strikes me then. Not the fact that I am flying. It is rather the fact of HOW I am flying. I am making swimming movements (breaststroke). I notice that this is so utterly stupid and funny alike. Why am I SWIMMING through the air instead of 'normally' flying? At this very instant, this observation literally TRIGGERS my exit sensations, and something starts that I will never in my life forget.

2) Out-Of-Body exit / RTZ-projection

The view changes drastically. I am lucid. And I see the ceiling of my bedroom. Strange thing is that the room appears to be with the light on. I see everything clearly. I am lying on the back (unusual for me) and I also see one arm lifted (again!). It is stiff, I cannot move it, it is fixed up in the air. I also don't really feel it, it is like an alien part or an artificial limb attached to my (otherwise also paralysed but still 'felt') body. But I also don't want to change anything about it.. I want out and I know it has started now. "It" is, besides my new view, the 'energy sensations' I feel.

However they are NOT the famous 'vibrations' at all. I did not know these vibrations then. Only later I did. Today, I know them well, of course, and I can say that this was VERY VERY different! Those WERE NO VIBRATIONS at all!

Sorry if this bores you now a bit, but I need to try to give a description as detailed as possibly, becausee I have a suspicion now of what it could have been, which I could not have known either then or during the following days and events, due to a lack of knowledge about these matters. I will enlarge upon my question later in the Comments section, but now first my attempt to render a detailed description of what I felt and then mistook as 'common vibrations' (what a joke from today's POV). I have, so far for me, not read ANY account on exit sensations here or elsewhere that has stated anything similar to this, which makes my inquiry even more urgent now as it was then:

As said, those 'energy sensations' were nothing like vibrations. Those were BALL-LIKE WAVES along the SPINE. Heavy, violent and almost disruptive as it seemed. Not from head to toe but only through my torso (neck to lower intestines / genital area). I cannot conclusively remember anymore if they went up-down (from neck area on downwards) or vice versa. It could have gone either way or even with a changing of directions.
I did NOT feel any pain. Just movement. Possibly I heard roaring, crackling, sizzling, rustling sounds which more or less correlated with the intensity of the wave-balls' movements. One wave going through my body lasted possibly 1 - 1.5 seconds. The 'low-tide' intervals probably 1 to 2 seconds on average. Sometimes the intensities varied. I tried to give it a graphic expression here, you see it is not absolutely regular, intervals for the pauses (-) as well as for down- or upward moving wave 'blobs' (O, o, 0) vary:

--O--O---o----O---0--o---O--O--o--> (time direction)

There are two words I would like to use to describe the whole movement: Orgasmic/Ejaculative and Peristaltic. But all that without the respective body feelings (unfortunately in the first case ;-) ).
So it was as if my torso would have been a great GIANT PENIS at the very moment of ejaculation or a part of the digestive system while it's transporting and processing its content in peristaltic muscle movements.
Another good way to compare it to would be strong electric jolts, but again and - in this case fortunately - without any feelings, just the "movement".

Again just to give an impression on what is meant by 'peristaltic' (mostly used in connection with pumps or the human digestive system), consider it like this, but only much much faster (1 wave-interval per 1-2 second or so):

This video shows it even better (still, again: much too slow, though):

So I hope you get the idea of what I went through - or better: what went through me - then. 

And I was and still am sure it was 'not physical' at all. (How could it be ??! This is not the nervous system. I also should have felt pain then, I should have been bursting into parts! Any scoffers should explain it to me or better try experience this for themselves, and then they will admit: "this stuff is f***** real!")

What is even more strange, and it makes me marvel about myself (and I am not a warrior-type of guy!): I stayed completely calm. I let it happen. Maybe there was a kind of attitude involved telling me sth like "hey, you begged for it, so here we go, now don't complain and grit your teeth and get to it!". Maybe it was still due to my hypnagogic / trance-like state. But why did I not get out of it?
And that is not the entire story. I also endured it (knowing that it would ease off soon) because it was somehow FAMILIAR. It is a "I've-been-there-before"-feeling. But why and how? Discussion see below.

After it waned (or even when it was gone completely, not sure anymore) I started to lift. Possibly the subconscious reason for my lifted arm then was that I wanted to use it as a kind of 'launch ramp' all the time. That's another hint to a strange familiarity .. as said, this was my first conscious and deliberate projection, I had not done this before.

So I went out and the first thing to note is: The room was dark again as I slowly soared to my room's ceiling. I looked ahead then for the short time I looked at the wall and ahead again, the ceiling (immersed in darkness now again) before me.

It should be noted, I also had a strange voice when talking to myself shortly (or "thinking aloud"), it was somehow vibrating, sounding high and modulated (not the human-like female voice, that's a different story again). I don't remember anymore what I said to myself then, possiby some "oh"s or "ah"s only. That, however, again, was not orgasmic either. ;-)

Now the next funny thing: I stopped at the ceiling. And I did not know what to do. Then the idea to just "turn around". Turning around of what? Of me. But what is me? I have no idea if I had a "body" then because I had not paid attention to it/myself. I was just a cloud or point of consciousness during the whole exit.

Then I just "turned around" (no, it seemed I did not have the purported 360 degrees vision, I really shifted somehow). Looking down where me in the bed should have been I first only saw darkness. Then I concentrated (thinking also about BUhlman's short commands such as 'clarity now' or 'vision now'). After a while I could see a figure lying there on the side (not on the back). After a while I also could make out the face clearly. It was me. I looked pale in the darkness, almost a bit like a moon face.

But you know what striked me most about this, even today when I remember it (and which is possibly also responsible for the moon face appearance)? The kind of picture that really clings to my memory now that first comes to my mind when I remember this event, making this an almost iconic representation of this whole lucidventure:
The very weirdness of SEEING YOUR OWN FACE WITH CLOSED EYELIDS. I looked so 'strange' (in a double sense) that I even did not clearly recognise myself for a second because of this 'alienating' view. When do we see ourselves with closed eyelids? Logically, we don't in mirrors. On photo snapshots when we were blinded by flashlights or on surprise snapshots possibly. But "live" at the same instant? This picture sticks with me, probably for the rest of this life! I will never forget the picture of that guy that is me down there in the bed 'asleep' with closed eyelids. Even today, I count this experience among the top-ten of strange sensations and experiences of my adventures.

After I had 'identified' myself without the slightest doubt, which was otherwise not so difficult since all was 'realistic' and there were no dream imagery or reality fluctuations involved, I decided (wisely and as recommended for newbies) to cut it short and 'go back' immediately. I just went down, which was then much faster than going up.
However, before I re-integrated, another remarkable observation. First, for a split-second I saw my face 'close-up'. Secondly, I heard my breathing (exhale) - but different, as if still somehow from the outside.

3) False Awakening

I got up and went into the bathroom. I passed some time there, also looking at myself into the mirror. All looked normal. I reflected on the things passed now. I was happy at my success of 'astral projecting'. Then, only after quite a while, I thought to myself 'hey, why not go to my parent's bedroom now, and wake them and tell them what happened?'. Then I realised what a strange idea this was. (Possibly it was caused by the dream I had before about flying to my parent's home). Why did I say that? I was an adult now and I had not live with my parents in their home for many many years now. Then I realised that I was still dreaming and woke up.

Comments / Afterthoughts:

First of all, sorry, I will keep further posts on lucidventures much much shorter. I just felt the need to enlarge upon this, since it was my first 'projection', and due to all those circumstances and detailed memory. Therefore I restrict this section (although much more would be to say for me here) only to the issues of FAMILIARITY and KUNDALINI.

The issue of FAMILIARITY with those waves amazes me even today. Perhaps, in our super/sub-conscious memories and as reincarnating beings, we all "know" this already since it is similar to what happens when we die. Or perhaps I had/did this as a child in this life and just don't remember. Or I was a keen projector in a previous life. Or Perhaps I really only thought that THIS were the famous vibrations I read about (what a joke!). But today I know there were NO VIBRATIONS. Those were different. I had only one further experience like this a few days later. After the again-violent exit it failed due to exit blindness and fear issues.
Fear issues also kept me from going on then. I read more books on the topic. Monroe's first book actually increased my fears, it was so different from Buhlman's optimitic take on the issue. Then I read Bruce's Astraldynamics and while I did so, I sometimes had the feeling that I was falling out of my body in waking state! That was enough for me! I actually decided to have a break of a few months, not trying anything. I needed a rest (who should blame me after all that, I had my proper dosage, after all)? So I slammed the door shut again at the end of the year and I did not have any experiences (Sometimes I even affirmed "I stay inside my body" before sleeping!).

Maybe someone more experienced in this matter can answer this. Recently I came to suspect that it might actually have been a KUNDALINI-like experience (note the added "-like", please!). Here, people also report on spine-related 'snake'-like heavy energy sensations. If you look at the video I linked, you see that 'peristalctic' movement is indeed pretty 'snaky' if seen from a specific angle. But they also tell of body cramps and even danger of life. I did not feel this way although the waves also had a 'crampy' aspect to them. Of course, since mainly the torso was affected, it is highly likely for me that the energy was using a 'channel' that leads up/down the physical spine through which the 'awakened' energy was streaming in brutal thrusts of different intensity.
I could so far not really bother to dig deeper into the topic of Kundalini. If someone can tell me it is NOT Kundalini-related, I am fine. I wasn't keen on any Kundalini-experience so far. And if it was Kundalini, well, so be it, but I am even less keen to live through this again for understandable reasons. Two times is enough and I am happy in the end that later (according to logfile starting Feb 2010) I discovered that 'vibrations' are something very very different from that!

Samstag, 23. Juli 2011

23/Sep/2009: Near Death Experience (Or So)

This was my first involuntary (as you might have guessed by the title already) 'lucidventure'. And eventually it is the event that brought me on the path of APing, and - last not least - also brought me here into forums and communities of like-minded people just as this one.

This event might be categorised by some as a 'classic' OBE taking place within the larger frame of a "kind of" NDE, but not quite, as you will see below.

In September 2009, I went to the hospital for a necessary rectification of the nasal septum. It is a harmless everyday routine operation done generally for respiratory health improvement (no, it's nothing cosmetic!). Nevertheless, this surgery demands a full narcosis and the tracheal intubation and mechanical ventilation (, which means your air system gets paralysed so you don't breathe for yourself anymore.

I remember the preliminaries well, including being brought into the surgery anteroom and having to wait there, already a bit sedated in the hospital bed. Then a small-talk with the surgeon. Then into the surgery, being lifted onto the table by the staff, getting all the medical gear on your arms and being put to the machines, then s.o. put the breathing mask over my face from behind, telling me to take 1-2 deep breaths, and so was falling asleep after a few seconds. All routine. Business as usual.

Official medical and scientific theory says that under controlled anasthesia you are supposed to be in 'deep sleep' and only gain consciousness a long time after surgery again in the wake-up/recovery room.

So much for the theory. ;-)

I gained consciousness. I was lying in a bed. (So far, so good, according to theory...). But it was the bed of my childhood room. So I thought for a few seconds. Then I corrected my mistake after a while. I saw machines, gadgets. Immediately I knew where I was again. I was in the surgery.
I was not lying on the table. I seemed to be hovering - a bit above my (physical) head, as it seemed. I was at my "head side" but it seemed that I was a bit more lifted, I however don't remember seeing my body at all (I never looked there, though). I saw everything in colours - so vivid, intense, vibrant, warm and lush - colours that I never saw before (and never after, so far!) on Earth. I just looked from the left side (with all the gadgets) to the right where I saw the chief surgeon doing some routine measure on a kind of handlebar (as it seemed, but don't know exactly what it was) next to or at the side of the operating table.

But there was more: I read his thoughts!

And even that is not enough to describe it, because maybe I actually "was him" in that short moment, too. I was expressing sth to me - the guy on the table - which I also was - strange, huh?. What "he" "said" was this (not in words or literally - just in a seemingly telepathic expression, an entire instant thought bundle directed towards me, and coming from me alike - yeah, I know how that's weird ... It wasn't words to be heard or even grasped, just information entangled with feeling/emotion. I only paraphrase it here, clad into words, to convey the meaning (emotionally as well as content-related):

"Hey, everything's alright, chap, don't worry, it worked well and we are ready now."

But actually, I was far from being worried anyway!

I was in an UTTER STATE OF BLISS like never before in my life.

It must somehow be what the mystics talk about. Ultimate well-being, vibrant with life and happiness, it is beyond expression, it is not happiness we experience as humans, not even when drugged (I suppose). The vivid unearthly colours seemed to envigorate (but on the other hand also be an expression of my) permanent joy, too. And one more thing: It felt like home. I cannot express it better. It's this feeling of being home, secure, in the right place at the right time - all as the ultimate expression of happiness. I felt "home" in spite of still receiving the 'visual' input from the surgery. That is bliss. Home. Also Love, of course. But in the end, there was and is no difference between the two for me. Love is Home. Home is Love.

Unfortunately (for me then) it did not last too long. The whole scene took (in my perception) only a few seconds. Then the situation changed and my perception / consciousness switched to a completely different scene, but still in the surgery.
The bliss was gone. There was only soberness and neutrality. Nothing negative, but nothing positive either. The colours were gone, too. The picture I saw was blurry, like a big-pixled graphic movie with low resolution. The colours rather dull and neutral.
And my position was changed. I was hovering a little above but much further away, almost at level with the heads of the medical staff in height, but approx. 6-8 metres off. I would even not discount the fact that I 'saw it all through a wall'. The scene was quite mundane. The surgery team around the table and the chief surgeon bending over towards the patient (me?) and moving something there. Not more, nothing spectacular. No mind-reading, colours, bliss, clear vision ... all gone. This scene also lasted for a few seconds only.

Then it was over. I was there where I should have been after 'falling asleep', in the wake-up room . I heard a nurse in this room telling me in a loud voice to breathe through my mouth - of course I had to, since the nose was full of stuff (tubes and medical dressing material) from the surgery.

Comments / Afterthoughts

A few days later, I got to ask the surgeon if there were complications with my operation. His answer was a predictable no. But he almost became a bit tight-lipped and was suddenly pressed for time when I brought forward the topic of my narcosis. I also had heavy and large bruises on my right arm. Asking nurses and the visiting doctor (1 day after the surgery) about this resulted then in statements such as "this can happen" (possibly from those tightened monitor armbands you get put on, so they told me).

Anyway, I don't think I was "really" in danger of losing my life, so it was not a 'real' NDE at all, moreover since I did not experience one of the other usual elements (tunnel to another dimension, life review, meeting with angels, relatives etc.).
However, this marvellous Total-Bliss-Experience indicates to me that it wasn't a "usual AP"-experience either, which I can now in hindsight confirm with some more 'astral experience' gathered in the meantime. I now assume that I could have been in a "higher" spiritual body then. Or probably a guide was with me and giving me this experience of "love" and security, and bliss?

Another assumption regarding the cause: As you stop breathing for yourself, maybe your subconscious or body/cell/atomic consciousness gets aware of the missing vital activity and you feel like you are dying a "little" or "partial death". That is of course just a wild hypothesis to explain what exactly triggered my out-of-body and mystical experience.

I also wonder about the 2nd scene so completely different. Was the surgeon already attendig to another patient and I really was 'remote viewing' this (already from the recovery room)?. Or - if it was me on the table - was this scene taking place even before the other one, as it looked like the first scene was the end of the surgery while the second scene seemed to show a surgery still under way. So probably I just remembered / experienced them in reverse order (and what is time in these experiences anyway? ).

Well, I guess I might have to wait til this lifetime of mine has ended until I receive the final and assured answers to these questions.

Another interesting thing (in hindsight): the anticipation of my "astral portal": the childhood room that only recently became a kind of "leitmotif" for many of my lucadventures (you will see in following adventures that it pops up again and again). Only until I read my notes again recently, I had almost forgotten that it 'featured' already in this first landmark lucidventure.

More to come.